


Half Light

by RandomFINDERspn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 10, Demon Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam, M/M, Protective Sam Winchester, Sassy Crowley
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2018-11-19 18:34:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11319219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomFINDERspn/pseuds/RandomFINDERspn
Summary: Dean's descent into evil, fuelled by the demon inside him, is becoming too much for Sam.





	1. Chapter 1

All I can see is black. The darkness of his eyes fills my vision as they stare into my own. What was previously so beautiful, so captivating and full of life, is now tainted by immeasurable evil. In a way this is worse than watching him die. 

“D-Dean?” I stutter, my heart in my throat as I force the words out. He shakes his head. A wide grin spreads across his face. But, instead of being radiant and beautiful as his smile used to be, this was something else entirely. My vision blurs. I hear a rough, taunting British voice from behind me.

“He belongs to me now.” Crowley. When I turn to face him, he grins and wiggles his fingers at me. The smile on his face… it disgusts me. He seems so damn pleased with himself, and I hate it. 

“He will never be yours.” I spit. “Dean will fight this. I will fight this. It’s what we do, remember? Dean and I. The Winchester boys against the world, that’s what it has always been. And you cannot change that- nothing can.” Crowley doesn’t seem to care that I’m angry, and want to kill him for making Dean like this. But still, part of me- the rational part that is not clouded by anger and grief for losing Dean- understands that it wasn’t entirely his fault. If Metatron hadn’t stabbed Dean, none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t be staring into the empty black tunnels of his eyes right now. 

“This isn’t the world, Moose.” He reminds me, smiling in that infuriating I think I’m better than you way. 

“This is Dean.” I snap, running a hand through my hair. “And I will do whatever I can to bring him back.” 

Crowley stares at me. I raise my eyebrows at him, but he just gestures to Dean. When I turn, I feel the cold metal of a gun pressed to my head. “Sam.” Is all he says. 

I stare into his eyes again, trying to push back the revulsion that I felt when I did so. “Go on. Do it, Dean. Pull the trigger. It’s what we’ve both been waiting for, isn’t it? So do it.”

He looks down, at the gun clutched tight in pale shaking hands, as if in an attempt to figure out what is happening. “All I’ve ever done is protect you. Everything I did was to keep you safe, ever since you were six months old. Well… I’m sick of it.” He tells me, speaking through tightly clenched teeth. My eyes widen. How could Dean be saying this to me? Surely it was just that… that thing inside him making him say these things, but his voice sounded so sincere that I almost burst into tears. 

“Dean, no… Come on. We can fight this, I told you.”

“What if I don’t want to fight it?”

My eyes widen. I stare at Dean in shock for a while until I am able to speak normally. “…Why wouldn’t you want to? Dean, this isn’t you. That’s the... thing inside you speaking. I know you!” I say desperately.   
“You think you know me.” Dean corrects. I am surprised- so much of what Dean has said to me since I first saw those dark black eyes had been to disprove everything I had previously thought about him, from when he was three years old and carrying me out of the fire to when I saw the knife slide between his ribs and his blood slicked red on the blade. Every time I close my eyes I see that moment. The knife entering his body. Then his eyes opening and revealing the deep hollows that replaced the vibrant green of his beautiful eyes. “But really, Sam, what do you know?”

I take a step closer to him, swallowing back tears. “I know that your favourite food is pie, apple pie in particular. You sing along to classic rock in the Impala. You call the car Baby and love her so much that you took weeks trying to rebuild her after the crash. Years of your life were spent following Dad’s every command. You did everything he told you, right until the end. And even after he died you’ve been trying to make up for everything he’s put us through. Dad told you to look after me, you have been doing that for years. Hell, you’ve been looking out for me since you were three! You are all I have, and I’m all you have. Yeah, there’s Cas and Jody and Donna and the others, but they go. People die, Dean, and we know that better than anyone. But no matter what we’ve always had each other.”

“What does that matter? What does any of it matter?” Dean’s voice changes, becomes more desperate- slightly broken, even. It hurts. Is this what he had to deal with, back when I lost my soul? Was I as bad as this? Did I hurt Dean as much as he is hurting me right now? No. I can’t have. Surely… Wait. I need to remember, Dean is being controlled by the thing in his head. When I was soulless, I was only saying what I’d always secretly thought. Maybe acted on it, but not as bad as this. The main thing I need to remember is that I was myself, just without a soul. Dean, he is, well… something else entirely. I hate to say it, even though I know I have to. I am afraid, though. Afraid that saying it would make it real. And if it was real, I’d have to kill him. That’s what we do, Dean and I- we kill these things. And if I acknowledge that he is one of them, then I wouldn’t be able to avoid it. There is no avoiding the inevitable. Dean and I both know that. That’s why we made a pact, years ago- if ever something like this were to happen, death should be the last option. We wouldn’t dismiss it as something that will not be done, instead keep it for when there is no hope and we are beyond saving. Is Dean beyond saving? Have I exhausted all other options? Surely not, but I don’t want to hurt him. “Come on, Sam.” A bright metallic glint as Dean holds his hand out to me.

“What do you want me to do?” I ask him, my mind unwilling to comprehend what is in his hand. 

“Use this.” He presses the object into my hand. “And kill me.”

“Kill you? Dean-"

“Do it.”

I sigh, sitting down on the closest chair. “I’m not going to kill you, Dean. Just… sit down. We can talk this out, find a way to make it all okay again. I promised that I wasn’t going to give up on you, didn’t I? I’m not going back on that- I never will.”  
Dean grabs something- a vase, maybe- and hurls it across the room. He is angry. I look up in surprise, then see his eyes. They are green. He is in control for the moment. However temporarily that may be for, nobody can guess. I stand again and hesitantly make my way over to him. He grabs me, pulling me to him in a hug that was so tight it hurt. 

“I made a promise, Dean.” I remind him. I am holding him just as desperately as he is holding me. 

“Sammy, I don’t want this… I hate not being in control. I hate not knowin’ what’s going to happen and not being able to stop it. I’m basically powerless. Please, I want you to stop it. Make it stop, Sammy.”

“I will make it stop. But not by killing you. Last option, remember? I’m not doing it unless we have no other choice or if my life is in danger. I know you want me to, but I just can’t.”

“Why can’t you? I’m not- it’s not me, Sam. I’m not myself.” Dean has angled his body against mine so that I cannot see his eyes, so that I am unable to tell if the thing has taken control back from him. I stay tense and on edge. This way I will be able to fight back if he tries to hurt me. “So many people tell me that I should have let it happen…”

“It’s not your fault, Dean.” I interrupt. 

“’He who fights monsters should see to it that he does not become a monster’. Dad told us that, Sammy, remember? It’s like the most important rule of hunting.”


	2. Chapter 2

“I am not killing you.” I choke out again. I was not killing my brother. Why couldn’t Dean see that I could not kill my own brother- however far down a deep dark hole he had gone. 

“There may become a day where you have to, Sammy.” Dean says softly now. As if he has finally come to terms with his fate. “I’m going to become the same as every other monster we have ever killed. I could end up killing innocent people. Defenceless people. I could end up trying to kill you. End this now.” He pauses for a moment and adds, “Now, Sam.” 

“Well isn’t this turning into a family drama?” Crowley says from behind us. I ignore him. He isn’t helping. 

“Dean I am not killing you!” I say louder than I did before. I feel like crying. I want to cry. Anything to show Dean that I am serious. I have nothing else left in my life that means as much as Dean does. He can’t leave me. I am not going to be the reason that he would leave me. I will not kill him. 

I am snapped out of my trance by Crowley coming to stand next to Dean. “I could do it.” He offers. 

“No!” I say, angrier than I had ever been in my life. Dean stands studying me. I can’t tell what he is thinking, and that worries me the most. “I don’t care about what Dad ever said. And when have we ever listened to the rules? I doubt Dad ever even considered that anything would ever get to this. Dean please understand. I can’t do it.”

Dean says nothing but continues to look at me. The gun he was once holding and then had passed to me, has ended up on the floor during our conversation. He leans down slowly to pick it up. It may have been the fact that my eyes were becoming blurry from the tears threatening to roll down my face, but I swear that I can see his hands shaking, ever so slightly. Dean takes a step towards me and grabs my right hand. He turns it over so it is palm up and spreads my fingers open. I flinch at the feeling of cold metal touching my skin and an uncontrollable sob comes out of my mouth. Dean looks up at me and we lock eye contact. His eyes are green. He is him and in control. He puts his hand over mine, closing my fingers around the gun. It is heavy in my hand, like it is made purely out of lead. His fingers linger over mine as if he is expecting me to reject the gun. His grip doesn’t loosen until a few moments after when he takes my wrist and guides my hand so the muzzle of the gun is pressed against his forehead. I am too numb to even try to stop him. 

“Dean… I can’t…” I say at almost a whisper. I am surprised that he has even heard me. 

“You can.” Dean assures me. I have never heard so much calmness laced in his voice before. He uses his thumb to make sure that the gun is loaded. All I need to do is pull the trigger.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel kind of sorry for Dean... more so Sam, but it's not really Dean's fault he's a demon. Oh well! Please tell me what you think, if you enjoyed it, maybe ideas for future chapters? Love you all, Daisy x


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